Don't Jump!!

So NOW I understand why there's a seat belt on the high chair!

As I'm trying to shovel spoons-ful of warm banana oatmeal into my 1 year olds mouth I am suddenly hit with an epiphany of why the hell there's a seat belt on my high chair.

Rewind 7 years and two boys ago...both spent a few years eating in that high chair and they never used the seat belt. Now I have Evil Knievel Derek whose spelled it out for me in no uncertain terms. He's a jumper!!!

He sits for a few seconds...2, maybe 3 spoons full of food before he starts  twisting and turning and flipping and hanging over the back of the freaking chair! As I grab a fist full of footie pajamas in one hand I scoop and feed him food with the other hand. Occasionally picking him up and sitting him down again (which only lasts a few seconds anyway.)

I seriously feel like he looks at me and smiles before he tries to launch his little body over the back of the chair. This leads me to think of two explanations.

#1: The kid HATES my food and would rather plummet to the floor, possibly causing himself to be injured and knocked unconscious than eat my oatmeal...

OR #2: He's a daredevil in training!

I swear he looks at me and thinks "Lady...put another spoon full of that crap in my mouth and I"ll jump! I'll do it! Don't PUSH me!"

So tomorrow we;ll try the seat belt...and perhaps green beans instead of oatmeal.

To Whine or to Wine?

At home
I love my kids...I really do...but some days I just want to sit down and drink a bottle of wine and watch a show ( not even a movie) just a 30 minute show without hearing screaming! "He took my choo choo!" "Derek ate my army man!" "Trevor's foot is stuck in the toliet and I have to poop!"

Seriously, some days are just exhausting. Someone at work told me to try Calgon...Well, I drank the whole damn bottle and it didn't work!

Back to the wine...I was neve a big drinker but now I kinda have a greater appreciation for alcohol. Not a ton...not a "get drunk" amount...more like "take the edge off" kinda glass of wine. However, I'm learning the more kids you have the Bigger the glass of wine needs to be to calm the nerves.

That's why I love the Dollar store. They have great-big wine glasses. That way when my husband asks how much I've had to drink, I can answer him honestly, "Just one glass Babe." (Of course it equals 1/2 a bottle...but some details are better left unsaid ;o)
gallo.com

Mommy Bag

I have to laugh when I see teenagers and early 20-somethings walking around rocking those cute little, teensy tiny purses, that can hold and ID, stick of gum, and maybe a lip gloss.

Cute? Yes...laughable now that I'm a mother...Absolutely!

I have an average size purse, that on any given day has my phone, wallet, gum, Goldfish, Pretzels, army men, bouncy balls, rubber bands,band aids, bobby pins, lotion, wipes, chapstick, an assortment of change (mainly quarters for all those "red machines" and rides at the grocery store,) let's see...what else? Broken sunglasses that I am still hanging onto even though the baby bent them in half a few weeks ago, deodorant, tissues, toothpaste, an assortment of pens, some dirty Tylenol ( that seriously, given the severity of my headache, I'm willing to take,) a Rosary, some Monopoly game pieces from McDonalds...from 2 years ago...and a 1/2 eaten candy cane.

So ya, that's about it...and YES that's just in my purse! Don't even ask about the diaper bag...let's just say, if I were to get stuck in the snow for a week...between the crap in my diaper bag and the food that falls on the floor in my mini van...my family of 5 would make it through jussst fine!

To Flush or Not to Flush?

On a recent visit to a restaurant I took my 2 year old into the bathroom with me. He saw a sign above the toilet and asked me to read it; "Please Do Not flush sanitary napkins." You can imagine the interesting conversation we had after that but that's not where I am going with this.
Upon refelcting on this sign I thought how each family bathroom should have it's own "sign" above their toilets. Mine would read as follows:

 PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH THE FOLLOWING...DOWN THE TOILET
*An entire roll of toilet paper at one time
*Batteries of ANY size
*Army Men
*Toothbrushes
*Your foot/Your brothers foot/ anyone's foot
*Kool Aid (or any substance that will change the toilet water to a new color)
*Dirty Socks/Clean Socks or Shoes
*Fish...if still alive (remind all kids that flushing fish will NOT help them become friends with Finding Nemo)
*Any toys that float or would naturally belong in the ocean. The toilet is NOT a whirl pool!

~IF IT COMES OUT OF YOUR BODY NATURALLY IT IS OK TO FLUSH~

Now comes the hard part....Teaching the little one's how to read *sigh*

Pee Drinking Crap Face

On Family

The "Must See Must Have" Boy movie

The SandLot

 

Disney really knew their stuff when they created the movie The Sandlot. Having an (almost) 8 year old boy it's given me an insight into what's to come. Don't get me wrong...we're already there! Baseball, buddies, 1st crushes, hanging out, spitting, the works...the language has transcended from the oldest to the middle child.



 

Gavin, my 3 year old, has really taken to the part of the movie when the boys have a name calling "face off" if you will. "Butt Sniffer," "You eat your Mommas toe jam," "You play ball like a girl," and the newest and most favorite scentence in my childs vocabulary..."Pee Drinking Crap Face!"

 

Seriously?! Why he attatched onto this statement is beside me. At first it was funny hearing a cherub faced blondie say it. Now...now I just see his eyes squink, that smile spreads across his face, and I knwo what's coming next. I just have to hope and pray that there's no one in ear shot. Of course we try not to give it any attention but sometimes it's just so damn funny you can't help yourself.

 

The other day he went on a rampage..."Pee drinking crap face couch!" And "Pee drinking crap face dog!" "Pee drinking crap face shoes!" You name it. The worse part is it's starting to wear off on Jeff and myself.

 

We got into an argument the other day and when he STILL hadn't put away the Christmas boxes, I got so mad...I thought about calling him lazy, or accusing him of not knowing how to prioritize, even thought about throwing "football is more important than the house" line but Noooo...I looked him straight in the eyes and called him....wait for it.....a PEE DRINKING CRAP FACE!!!

 

I felt like a 7 year old who just stuck he tounge out....and it felt goooood! LOL

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On Work

 

A guy orders a large Combination pizza for himself and his wife...I make the food...take it out with plates...he comes up and asks me for a bottle of Tapatia sauce...WTF!?

 

I told him we didn't carry that in the restaurant and he (with attitude) responds "Why not?!"

Seriously? Oh I don't know...because we sell frecking pizza...a primarily Italian food. That's like me walking into Burger King and asking for some Soy Sauce! What is wrong with people?

 

 

Welcome to the beginning of my 2013 New years resolution to blog...daily...semi daily...or weekly as life sees fit, about my crazy life. Between managing a pizza restaurant, raising my 3 sons (and husband), homework, potty training, cooking,entertaining, and cleaning I have a full day of material to write about. Add in my 2 dogs, a cat with 3/4 of a tail and a few fish...this should be interesting!